Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Oh, I get it

Maybe this is why there is no one else signed up for 24 Hours of Syllamo yet.

Holy shitballs.

Failure is imminent.

I'm really looking forward to this race. I don't want to call it a "training race" by any means, but I'm going to use it as a tool to find my true breaking point. The way I see it, it's a whole lot better to find out how much grit you've got on a 10.5 mile loop course than to be 7 hours into the Flint Hills of Kansas with a dead cell phone.

I signed up for the Clydesdale division mostly because I figured there won't be a lot of other chubby dudes who want to do a 24 hour race. I couldn't care less about winning, I just want to make sure I'm racing myself and not the people around me. I've got to figure out how to keep up with my nutrition; If I can outlast these punks I don't have to be faster than them.

I've got to get into that "Barry Vollmer" category.

Of course the other factor is the whole epilepsy thing. If I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep per night, the next day my mind is totally fucked. This isn't something I toy with; I've had enough run-ins with the boogey-man to know not to fuck around with my sleep schedule. Raceday will be no different; My plan is to ride for 8 hours, sleep 6-8 hours, and then try to ride the last 8.

Then again, it's pretty easy to make bold statements like that while I'm sitting at work drinking coffee....for all I know I could stroke out at the top of the first climb. I guess there's only one way to find out.

And let's not forget: 46 miler this Sunday at Klunk Cycles. I'll be rollin on my Tricross SS. I can't wait.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It's already happening

It only took my nephews 2 years to figure out something that most people go their entire lives without knowing.....Singlespeeds are the sheeeyit:

I bet I spent the better part of 2 hours pushing them around the house.

We've gotten most of their stuff moved into the house now so I should be able to resume some P90X tonight. 24 Hours of Syllamo is right around the corner...why the hell isn't anyone else signed up for that race?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Big Changes

Things have taken a pretty serious change around the old homestead in the last week. My brother has finally decided to divorce his cheating bitch of a wife, so he's taking up residence with me and bringing my nephews along for the ride. He and I have always been prety tight so I'm pretty excited about it.

The boys are non-identical 2 year olds, so things are probably going to get interesting pretty damn quick. Family-wise this is all very good; Training-wise it's a shit sandwich. I'm loading my cabinets with Mike & Ike's, animal crackers and macaroni & cheese. The fridge is getting stocked with Juicy Juice & hot-dogs, and I guess I'm gonna be working out in my bedroom from now on.

I'm super stoked to be a bigger part of their lives, i just hope I fit the bill as far as responsibility. Apparently I'm not even doing a good enough job keeping water in the dogs' bowl...

That toilet is very clean, btw.

P90X got put on hold so we could move the boys over to my place and make them a respectable home. I'm desperate to get in shape but family comes before all other things. My house is a total clusterfuck right now; We've got clothes piled to the ceiling and there are a ton of half-packed boxes littering the floor. We've got a lot of work to, but as long as the boys have a place to call home, that's all that matters.

I did manage to rock out a 15 mile gravel ride though, but by the time I made it to the bike shop I was completely soaked and miserable. Lucky for me Cara brought over some dry clothes before driving my sorry ass home. Even better, Nick Smith had some hot coffee that I chugged down.

Maybe this would be an appropriate time to mention what excellent therapy it is for me to ride my Tricross. That 15 mile ride was pretty short, but I left a lot of stress out there on the gravel. I was soaking wet and freezing my ass off in the first five minutes, but I had music in my ears and a smile on my face.

I can't wait to get my nephews and my brother out there to share the experience. Just think how badass those two little shits could be if I can get them on mountain bikes in the next year or two!

It gives me chills.

In other news: My little bro doesn't know it yet but I'm going to whip his ass into shape and he'll be a strong rider too.

Brace yourselves for 2 Jenkins boys on a cyclocross course!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


This picture was taken at the 2009 Syllamo's Revenge 50 mile mountain bike race. Every time I look at this photo there are 3 things that come to my mind:

1.) Damn that's a badass photo.
2.) Why didn't the company take their name off the image..since I paid for it?
3.) I didn't finish that race.

I missed the time cut-off at the last checkpoint by 4 minutes because I lacked mental toughness. Of course I was exhausted, but the REAL reason I didn't finish is because I stopped in the woods next to a group of other quitters to complain about how muddy the course was and blahblahblahblagh...

Basically I was being a big pussy.

When I got to that checkpoint and found out my race was over... I was elated. I actually laughed in some guy's face because he had beaten the cutoff and had to ride the last 16 miles. I was so happy to be done that I didn't even care that I hadn't finished.

Looking back now, I realize that I quit that race. I never actually said "I quit", but deep down I know I wanted to miss that last time cut-off. If I hadn't been "taking a break" in the woods feeling sorry for myself I would have finished, at least then I would have been able to say that I crossed the finish line.

  • Every time I see that picture I'm reminded of a shamefully epic failure

  • That failure is my motivation

  • This year will be different

  • I will not quit
  • Fuck you Syllamo, fuck you big time

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Today was my day off from my "real" job, so I chose to coordinate it with a rest day from the workout series.

I never set an alarm on my day off because I love to sleep. I love it.

At 8am I woke up to take a leak, and when I tried to get out of bed pain shot through about 85% of my body. See, last night I did the Ken-po X dvd. It didn't really seem all that hard in the beginning, but with 20 minutes left I got dizzy and afterwards I felt pretty sick for a while.

This shit better pay off.

Luckily these P90x folks are pretty clever; They included a "stretch" cd to perform on your rest day. After doing that dvd I felt a lot better. Still pretty sore, but a lot better.

When I got to work tonite I came face-to-face with one of my greatest diet-foes....

The nerve of these bastards...don't they know who I am? I won a hot-dog eating competition with a 9-dog gap over 2nd place...took 1st at the '01 Mike Kehoe Parts & Service Club meeting fried chicken eating competition AND, most gloriously, drank 15 cups of egg nog at this year's CXMAS.

I don't even like egg nog.

So here I am, all alone in the radiology department at 4 am with 2 giant fucking tubs of delicious carmel and cheddar popcorn staring me in the face. How many sodas do I have to steal from the day-shift employees before they figure out I'm a food thief? If that shit is sitting there next time I come to work I swear I'll piss in the cans. Thataway I won't eat it, and maybe they'll figure out they need to hide their damn food.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Yes, I'd like some excrutiating pain with a side of reality, please

I remember thinking that since I was a cyclist the P90X Legs & Back dvd "probably wouldn't be that hard for me."

Sometimes I am amazed at my own stupidity.

One legged wall squats? Excuse me?

Triangle lunges followed by vertical kicks? You gotta be shittin' me.

Squatting down on one leg and jumping vertically? Now you're just being an asshole.

Then came the Ab-Ripper X dvd. I don't even have words to describe this thing. It's 15 minutes worth of shit that a fat guy could never hope to accomplish...but I tried.

At one point the instructor, (Tony Horton), looks me straight in the face through the screen and says =, "I know it burns, but this isn't some silly little workout, kids... this is P90X. Bring it, bring the pain!!"

Yeah, rub it in asshole....rub it in.

So I embraced the misery, maybe accomplishing 50% of the workout. Tonight the glass is half full and I'll call it victory.

Before I left for work ,I opened the fridge and showed my middle finger to the 30 pack of beer resting inside.

Day 1 P90X

I've owned the P90X workout series for over a year and I've only just now built up enough loins to take it on. Back in the "fat old days" I discovered P90X while flipping thru the channels at 3 a.m. at my 2nd job. I did some research, found out their story was legit and ordered the program.

One thing that struck me about their commercial was its lack of "beautiful people". I saw regular fatties like me, jock types who wanted to be more ripped, and others who just wanted a better workout....all doing the program and getting great results. Sure, there were a few airbrushed folks, but for the most part all I saw were very average looking people.

The other thing that grabbed my attention was that they outright told you, "This will not be easy. You will work hard, you will sweat a lot, and you will feel pain." There are no promises of "just 5 minutes a day to a slimmer you!!!" or any of that shit. There's no fancy equipment to buy, and all I needed to buy was some dumb-bells or resistance bands, a pull-up bar, and a chair.

Am I starting to sound like a commerical yet?

When I took the "fit test" I found out I that I was too much of a lard-ass to start the program, so I opted to lose weight riding my bike to work. I was also going through a divorce and had a lot of rage I needed to get rid of, so bicycling was an incredible outlet for all that.
Hate was my training partner and we worked well together; As long as I could tap into that anger I could push through anything. I really don't like to think what I may have done if I didn't have that release.
2 years later I've lost a ton of weight, made dozens of new friends and found an incredible stress outlet. The only "problem" is that the rage is gone and I'm completely happy in my life.
I have nothing to be mad about, so my motivation is gone and I'm desperately seeking to find it back.
I guess that's why I'm focusing on this whole "Moob" thing, I want these man-tits gone.

So, last night I decided it was time to get down to business. My new gym looks a lot like my old living-room..

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a graceful individual. Yoga X completely kicked my ass last night...there were times when I would just stop and watch the people on the video in amazement. Why don't you just picture my fat ass trying to hold this pose:This dvd is a little over 1.5 hours long, and I can't wait for the day I can complete the entire thing without collapsing multiple times on the floor like I did last night. My body is sore today, sore in ways that I don't fully understand. The ulnar sides of my forearms, wrists, lower/lateral back and hip joints are all in an odd state.

The oddest thing about all of this was how great I felt when I was done. The elation just washed over me towards the end, I was actually smiling and laughing while my abs were bursting into flames.

The exertion was...relaxing?

Tonight I have to work both jobs, so it should be interesting trying to get the Shoulders& Back and Ab Ripper X workouts done, but I'll find a way.

I'm going to be able to do "the crane" by the end of March.

Friday, January 8, 2010

My Girlfriend is Awesome

If you've ever ridden your mtb in the snow, you don't need me to tell you how awesome it is.

This is the beginning of the Yellow Loop at Binder:

Got a cool gilfriend? Load her up with a bunch of cold weather gear, a scary mask and take her with you.

I'm sure she'll disapprove of the photos, but I'm just a little too proud to keep them to myself.

I present to you, the keeper:

It's a wonderful life....and yes, I am disgusted at my own happiness.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Week 1

The ships have been burned and the plan is in full swing.

This last weekend was the 1st Annual running of the Team Virtus Adventure Race. It was cold as balls, super exhausting and lots of fun. Then on Sunday I turned in a pathetic performance during an 18 mile-long Middle Fork ride.

With all of this excitement + the extra hours at the 2nd job, I've apparently gotten behind on my sleep. As a result, my epilepsy has been kicking in.. giving me night terrors through the night and then absence-mals during the day. It's been a real bitch, but I'm off work tomorrow and the next day so I'm gonna take it easy and hopefully get caught back up.

I signed up for the 24 hours of Syllamo race, paid nearly $180, and as of now there are only 2 other people signed up. What the eff?