Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Iron Cross

Anyone else thinking about doing this one? I've never been to Pennsylvania, and this thing just sounds too badass to ignore..

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Newest Amanda Quote

I thought this one deserved its own post. Yesterday Mando turns to me and says, "I swallowed a piece of gum yesterday, what happens if it gets stuck in the umbilical cord?"

Somebody get a doctor on the phone!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Dirty Kanza 200

So, the Dirty Kanza is this weekend. 200 miles in the Flint Hills of Kansas....and I can't help but ask myself why I ever thought it would be a good idea to sign up for this race. I've never even ridden a century, so there's clearly no way I'm going to ride 200 miles. I mean, I've put down a fair amount of base miles this year and my nutrition is good, but I can't help but ask myself how fun could it possibly be to ride 200 miles in the frickin' Flint Hills? I did a bit of research and found a few cool photos:

I like this one in particular:

Having grown up in Kansas, I don't remember anything being this hilly or pleasing to the eye. What I do remember is flat terrain, dry heat and unrelenting wind. This all leads me to believe that I'll look like this before it's over:

I guess we'll find out on Saturday. I just don't know if there are enough Kid Rock songs to carry my ass for 200 miles?

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

That was fast, huh?

I finally got the results posted from the babyfood fundraiser. Now I can start on the Syllamo's revenge report.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Syllamo's Revenge, Take 2.

Just finished the writeup for this mofo. I'm havin' some trouble getting it transferred from Wordpress, so why don't we just save some time and click here.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Best Weekend Ever

The High Profile Adventure Racing Camp/Race was absolutely mind-blowing.
Luke, Casey and I are working on a write-up to post on that will do it justice, but no words or pictures will ever bring you close to the experiences we had.

In the mean-time, here are just a few captioned photos to give you an idea of what an amazing event this was:
^^ 1st rappel ever, trying to pretend I'm not scared shitless. ^^
^^ Here we see Luke at the same spot belaying for Casey^^

^^Casey makes his way across the tyrolean traverse^^

^^Luke free-climbing up the "Shimmy in the Chimney"^^
2 dimensional photos don't do justice to this event.

Thursday, March 25, 2010


Today the babyfood fundraiser hit a milestone. Pre-race lump-sum donations just hit $200.

We've taken $70 worth of donations in the last 2 days from two people: One person I barely know and one person I've never even met.

Add to that, we get to donate anther $25 for every lap additional lap and I'm not even counting the donations from the other (3) racers.

I know it's completely impossible, but what if we raised like.... 800 or even 1,000 dollars?

Should I even say something like that out loud?

I probably shouldn't but a guy can dream, right?

In other news, Luke and I are heading to Illinois tomorrow for AR Camp, so if you see a couple of guys looking like this, honk and wave:)

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Hangin' With Das Boot

Wednesday was a good day.

Robby Brown and I met at the shop for a quick 20 miler on a sunny 60 degree afternoon.

We picked up our new team-kits, (which are awesome), and took off. I've never had a pair of cycling bibs before, and I've gotta say they're great.

No more worrying about plumber's crack and there is definitely more ball-support.

We held a 17.7 mph average, which is pretty good for me. I'm sure Robby could have gone much faster without my sorry ass trying to keep up, but we had a good time.

I even managed to get a quick photo of Herr Brown riding off into the sunset..or maybe it was a nuclear blast?

Monday, March 15, 2010

Fundraiser Update

Right now all I need to do is show up and ride one lap for the Samaritan center to have earned: $175


Each additional lap will produce another $45

Double Damn!!

That's not even counting the money coming from the other riders.

I'm also excited about the new kit I won on ebay last night for Syllamo!!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Feelin' the Pressure

Lately I find myself looking at the list of donors for the Babyfood/Syllamo project, and I can't help but marvel at the quality of people I've surrounded myself with.

Damn near every person I know has contributed to this project in some way; Some people have forwarded the link to a bajillion people I don't know, others have donated a set amount, and still more are pledging to donate $x per lap. On top of that, Don tells me he's getting a lot of donors from his neck of the woods. I don't know what Corey and Zack are up to, but I'm sure their list is growing as well.

This thing has exploded; what started as a simple idea for extra motivation to ride has become a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to really do some good and help a lot of people.

I've gotta admit, it's stressin' me out a little bit thinking about the different ways this race could play out. Historically speaking, 50 miles of singletrack has been unachievable for me. My longest stretch EVER was last year at Syllamo's Revenge when I rolled 36 miles into the DNF column.

And now here I am, talking shit about riding 100 miles in the same neighborhood.

The time for trying to be a tough guy on a fully rigid has passed, and I can definitely forget about having the chicken fried steak and eggs with hashbrowns for a pre-ride meal.

Talk about "burning the ships," if I fuck this up I'll never live it down.

So........What better excuse could I possibly have to finally buy a full-suspension Epic 29'er?

It'll be like racing on a Caddy :)

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

So Long, Old Friend

When I was 16 years old I told my dad I wanted a truck.

He told me to get a job.

So, I did and I spent the next year cleaning tables and saving every damn dime I made until I had $2000 saved. That's when I met this gal...

When I got that truck it was beautiful, not a scratch or a spot of rust. Over the years I had a lot of "first experiences" in that truck, not the least of which was getting into some chick's pants. I later went on to marry/divorce that woman...but that's another story.

Over the years I put that truck on the back burner, dreaming of someday "fixing it up" and blah blah's been sitting in the driveway for about 3 years now. Well, today I did the unthinkable..

I sold that fucker.

With that money + my tax return I was able to pay off my daily driver and get my boat knocked down to $500. After that my only non-utility bill will be my mortgage.

I'm gon' be rich, beeyitch!!!

Looks like I might be getting that full-suspension Epic sooner than I thought.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Riding for a Reason

During the past few weeks I've been trying to figure out how to use the 24 Hours of Syllamo race as a means to raise money for a worthy cause. I'm not exactly what you'd call a "podium finisher" so I need alternate motivation.

Here's what I came up with: The Samaritan Center has a program that raises money for baby food. The baby-food goes to people who are raising other people's babies since those people are unable to breastfeed. I like the program because it's not giving away actual money, just food.

So I think what I'll do is have people pledge to donate X amount of money per lap I complete. For example, Dew Schpagg pledges $5 per lap, and then if I make it 10 laps he owes $50.

I got an email back from the Samaritan Center today saying that they'd love to do this. Now all I have to do is figure out how to get people to sign up.

I'm pretty pumped about this.

Luke Smashes 57.5 Miles of Gravel

On Saturday Luke, Phil and I rode a customized version of Nick's gravel road ride. I know Luke is in the process of putting a proper write-up w/ photos on so I'll keep this short.

We met at Dos Primos at 6am and started the ride on frozen trails. The weather was fantastic, (very little wind), and there was a lot of pretty scenery along the way. About 13 (?) miles into the ride we found an abandoned puppy. He seemed to be a pretty healthy guy, but was very much freezing his ass off. So we dumped out Luke's pack and wriggled him into it. Phil was planning on turning around anyway, so he transported the pooch home while Luke and I rode on.

At around the 35-40 mile mark things got pretty wet and sloppy. The gravel roads were pretty much mud roads laden with slush-filled potholes. It was pretty brutal. When we got to the Katy Trail is was completely fucked so we followed Hwy 94 a little bit until we found a suitable detour.

I guess I should probably admit that I got mildly lost and rode an extra 5 miles.

I think Luke and I were both surprised at how good we felt when we were done. Maybe it was the awesomeness of the route or the scenery, I don't know, but I wasn't feeling much pain at all until about the 40 mile mark.

We had a great ride on a great day, and the Dos Primos JUMBO margarita I had afterwards gave me the lazy eye in record time.

I think Luke was pretty happy with his meal as well.
Cyclometer reading at the end of the ride showed 59.14 miles and 4hrs 44mins of riding time. I think that comes out to an average speed a little bit better than 12mph. Not good, but it's a starting point. This was only my 2nd ride using a computer, so I really don't even know what a good "goal" average speed would be. 15 maybe?

Here's the overview of our ride that I've tried to send to Luke 5 times but the link doesn't work. I've got a few more pics but for some reason I can't get them to load. I got pics of Luke's food, our muddy bikes, etc..but they won't upload. FML. I really need to get my own pc.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

It's Official

....The shit has hit the fan.

Today when I got to work I found this in my inbox:

"CONGRATULATIONS! Your entry into the Leadville Trail 100 Mountain Bike Race has been accepted. Get ready to "Dig Deep" and challenge yourself to the highest and biggest mountain bike race around. Gear up to race with the world's BEST cyclists at the nation's highest quality athletic experience with the utmost degree of safety, medical care and racer support......."

Fuck me, I'm going to be in the Leadville 100.

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Oh, I get it

Maybe this is why there is no one else signed up for 24 Hours of Syllamo yet.

Holy shitballs.

Failure is imminent.

I'm really looking forward to this race. I don't want to call it a "training race" by any means, but I'm going to use it as a tool to find my true breaking point. The way I see it, it's a whole lot better to find out how much grit you've got on a 10.5 mile loop course than to be 7 hours into the Flint Hills of Kansas with a dead cell phone.

I signed up for the Clydesdale division mostly because I figured there won't be a lot of other chubby dudes who want to do a 24 hour race. I couldn't care less about winning, I just want to make sure I'm racing myself and not the people around me. I've got to figure out how to keep up with my nutrition; If I can outlast these punks I don't have to be faster than them.

I've got to get into that "Barry Vollmer" category.

Of course the other factor is the whole epilepsy thing. If I don't get at least 6 hours of sleep per night, the next day my mind is totally fucked. This isn't something I toy with; I've had enough run-ins with the boogey-man to know not to fuck around with my sleep schedule. Raceday will be no different; My plan is to ride for 8 hours, sleep 6-8 hours, and then try to ride the last 8.

Then again, it's pretty easy to make bold statements like that while I'm sitting at work drinking coffee....for all I know I could stroke out at the top of the first climb. I guess there's only one way to find out.

And let's not forget: 46 miler this Sunday at Klunk Cycles. I'll be rollin on my Tricross SS. I can't wait.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

It's already happening

It only took my nephews 2 years to figure out something that most people go their entire lives without knowing.....Singlespeeds are the sheeeyit:

I bet I spent the better part of 2 hours pushing them around the house.

We've gotten most of their stuff moved into the house now so I should be able to resume some P90X tonight. 24 Hours of Syllamo is right around the corner...why the hell isn't anyone else signed up for that race?

Friday, January 22, 2010

Big Changes

Things have taken a pretty serious change around the old homestead in the last week. My brother has finally decided to divorce his cheating bitch of a wife, so he's taking up residence with me and bringing my nephews along for the ride. He and I have always been prety tight so I'm pretty excited about it.

The boys are non-identical 2 year olds, so things are probably going to get interesting pretty damn quick. Family-wise this is all very good; Training-wise it's a shit sandwich. I'm loading my cabinets with Mike & Ike's, animal crackers and macaroni & cheese. The fridge is getting stocked with Juicy Juice & hot-dogs, and I guess I'm gonna be working out in my bedroom from now on.

I'm super stoked to be a bigger part of their lives, i just hope I fit the bill as far as responsibility. Apparently I'm not even doing a good enough job keeping water in the dogs' bowl...

That toilet is very clean, btw.

P90X got put on hold so we could move the boys over to my place and make them a respectable home. I'm desperate to get in shape but family comes before all other things. My house is a total clusterfuck right now; We've got clothes piled to the ceiling and there are a ton of half-packed boxes littering the floor. We've got a lot of work to, but as long as the boys have a place to call home, that's all that matters.

I did manage to rock out a 15 mile gravel ride though, but by the time I made it to the bike shop I was completely soaked and miserable. Lucky for me Cara brought over some dry clothes before driving my sorry ass home. Even better, Nick Smith had some hot coffee that I chugged down.

Maybe this would be an appropriate time to mention what excellent therapy it is for me to ride my Tricross. That 15 mile ride was pretty short, but I left a lot of stress out there on the gravel. I was soaking wet and freezing my ass off in the first five minutes, but I had music in my ears and a smile on my face.

I can't wait to get my nephews and my brother out there to share the experience. Just think how badass those two little shits could be if I can get them on mountain bikes in the next year or two!

It gives me chills.

In other news: My little bro doesn't know it yet but I'm going to whip his ass into shape and he'll be a strong rider too.

Brace yourselves for 2 Jenkins boys on a cyclocross course!

Wednesday, January 13, 2010


This picture was taken at the 2009 Syllamo's Revenge 50 mile mountain bike race. Every time I look at this photo there are 3 things that come to my mind:

1.) Damn that's a badass photo.
2.) Why didn't the company take their name off the image..since I paid for it?
3.) I didn't finish that race.

I missed the time cut-off at the last checkpoint by 4 minutes because I lacked mental toughness. Of course I was exhausted, but the REAL reason I didn't finish is because I stopped in the woods next to a group of other quitters to complain about how muddy the course was and blahblahblahblagh...

Basically I was being a big pussy.

When I got to that checkpoint and found out my race was over... I was elated. I actually laughed in some guy's face because he had beaten the cutoff and had to ride the last 16 miles. I was so happy to be done that I didn't even care that I hadn't finished.

Looking back now, I realize that I quit that race. I never actually said "I quit", but deep down I know I wanted to miss that last time cut-off. If I hadn't been "taking a break" in the woods feeling sorry for myself I would have finished, at least then I would have been able to say that I crossed the finish line.

  • Every time I see that picture I'm reminded of a shamefully epic failure

  • That failure is my motivation

  • This year will be different

  • I will not quit
  • Fuck you Syllamo, fuck you big time

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Today was my day off from my "real" job, so I chose to coordinate it with a rest day from the workout series.

I never set an alarm on my day off because I love to sleep. I love it.

At 8am I woke up to take a leak, and when I tried to get out of bed pain shot through about 85% of my body. See, last night I did the Ken-po X dvd. It didn't really seem all that hard in the beginning, but with 20 minutes left I got dizzy and afterwards I felt pretty sick for a while.

This shit better pay off.

Luckily these P90x folks are pretty clever; They included a "stretch" cd to perform on your rest day. After doing that dvd I felt a lot better. Still pretty sore, but a lot better.

When I got to work tonite I came face-to-face with one of my greatest diet-foes....

The nerve of these bastards...don't they know who I am? I won a hot-dog eating competition with a 9-dog gap over 2nd place...took 1st at the '01 Mike Kehoe Parts & Service Club meeting fried chicken eating competition AND, most gloriously, drank 15 cups of egg nog at this year's CXMAS.

I don't even like egg nog.

So here I am, all alone in the radiology department at 4 am with 2 giant fucking tubs of delicious carmel and cheddar popcorn staring me in the face. How many sodas do I have to steal from the day-shift employees before they figure out I'm a food thief? If that shit is sitting there next time I come to work I swear I'll piss in the cans. Thataway I won't eat it, and maybe they'll figure out they need to hide their damn food.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

Yes, I'd like some excrutiating pain with a side of reality, please

I remember thinking that since I was a cyclist the P90X Legs & Back dvd "probably wouldn't be that hard for me."

Sometimes I am amazed at my own stupidity.

One legged wall squats? Excuse me?

Triangle lunges followed by vertical kicks? You gotta be shittin' me.

Squatting down on one leg and jumping vertically? Now you're just being an asshole.

Then came the Ab-Ripper X dvd. I don't even have words to describe this thing. It's 15 minutes worth of shit that a fat guy could never hope to accomplish...but I tried.

At one point the instructor, (Tony Horton), looks me straight in the face through the screen and says =, "I know it burns, but this isn't some silly little workout, kids... this is P90X. Bring it, bring the pain!!"

Yeah, rub it in asshole....rub it in.

So I embraced the misery, maybe accomplishing 50% of the workout. Tonight the glass is half full and I'll call it victory.

Before I left for work ,I opened the fridge and showed my middle finger to the 30 pack of beer resting inside.

Day 1 P90X

I've owned the P90X workout series for over a year and I've only just now built up enough loins to take it on. Back in the "fat old days" I discovered P90X while flipping thru the channels at 3 a.m. at my 2nd job. I did some research, found out their story was legit and ordered the program.

One thing that struck me about their commercial was its lack of "beautiful people". I saw regular fatties like me, jock types who wanted to be more ripped, and others who just wanted a better workout....all doing the program and getting great results. Sure, there were a few airbrushed folks, but for the most part all I saw were very average looking people.

The other thing that grabbed my attention was that they outright told you, "This will not be easy. You will work hard, you will sweat a lot, and you will feel pain." There are no promises of "just 5 minutes a day to a slimmer you!!!" or any of that shit. There's no fancy equipment to buy, and all I needed to buy was some dumb-bells or resistance bands, a pull-up bar, and a chair.

Am I starting to sound like a commerical yet?

When I took the "fit test" I found out I that I was too much of a lard-ass to start the program, so I opted to lose weight riding my bike to work. I was also going through a divorce and had a lot of rage I needed to get rid of, so bicycling was an incredible outlet for all that.
Hate was my training partner and we worked well together; As long as I could tap into that anger I could push through anything. I really don't like to think what I may have done if I didn't have that release.
2 years later I've lost a ton of weight, made dozens of new friends and found an incredible stress outlet. The only "problem" is that the rage is gone and I'm completely happy in my life.
I have nothing to be mad about, so my motivation is gone and I'm desperately seeking to find it back.
I guess that's why I'm focusing on this whole "Moob" thing, I want these man-tits gone.

So, last night I decided it was time to get down to business. My new gym looks a lot like my old living-room..

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a graceful individual. Yoga X completely kicked my ass last night...there were times when I would just stop and watch the people on the video in amazement. Why don't you just picture my fat ass trying to hold this pose:This dvd is a little over 1.5 hours long, and I can't wait for the day I can complete the entire thing without collapsing multiple times on the floor like I did last night. My body is sore today, sore in ways that I don't fully understand. The ulnar sides of my forearms, wrists, lower/lateral back and hip joints are all in an odd state.

The oddest thing about all of this was how great I felt when I was done. The elation just washed over me towards the end, I was actually smiling and laughing while my abs were bursting into flames.

The exertion was...relaxing?

Tonight I have to work both jobs, so it should be interesting trying to get the Shoulders& Back and Ab Ripper X workouts done, but I'll find a way.

I'm going to be able to do "the crane" by the end of March.

Friday, January 8, 2010

My Girlfriend is Awesome

If you've ever ridden your mtb in the snow, you don't need me to tell you how awesome it is.

This is the beginning of the Yellow Loop at Binder:

Got a cool gilfriend? Load her up with a bunch of cold weather gear, a scary mask and take her with you.

I'm sure she'll disapprove of the photos, but I'm just a little too proud to keep them to myself.

I present to you, the keeper:

It's a wonderful life....and yes, I am disgusted at my own happiness.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Week 1

The ships have been burned and the plan is in full swing.

This last weekend was the 1st Annual running of the Team Virtus Adventure Race. It was cold as balls, super exhausting and lots of fun. Then on Sunday I turned in a pathetic performance during an 18 mile-long Middle Fork ride.

With all of this excitement + the extra hours at the 2nd job, I've apparently gotten behind on my sleep. As a result, my epilepsy has been kicking in.. giving me night terrors through the night and then absence-mals during the day. It's been a real bitch, but I'm off work tomorrow and the next day so I'm gonna take it easy and hopefully get caught back up.

I signed up for the 24 hours of Syllamo race, paid nearly $180, and as of now there are only 2 other people signed up. What the eff?